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DVINNY

2-time 10K winner
Joined
Apr 25, 2006
Messages
6,019
Reaction score
122
Location
Frumunda my desk
I am a dynamic figure, often seen leaping tall buildings, scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate slurs for Cuban refugees. I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.

Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and god-like trumpet playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello. I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I?m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard.

I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don?t perspire. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.

Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket and the contents of the nutritional labels for each. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekend, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a spatula and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet. I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. I can grow just by looking at weights, Jen e parle pas encore tr?s bien le francais, however, I will say ?J'esp?re que nous aurons binet?t l'occasion de nous revoir, Est-ce que vous comprenez ce que je veux dire??.

I can weave my vehicle between suicidal-like light poles with an ALMOST perfect efficiency, I am a reverse psychic, I can see the past with 99% accuracy and can foresee the future with 50/50 odds. Many physicians ask my opinion and for my expertise, I am like the personified PDR, I have many Superhero like traits, my own wife says how I?m faster than a speeding bullet, I can dream an eight hour dream during a ten minute nap, I can eat the meals of 5 men at one sitting, I script award-nominated poetry. I've counted to infinity...... twice.

I can engineer the most cost efficient water systems, sometimes without the green hose. Neighbors envy my Holiday lighting decorations, while admiring that I did them in my sleep. I plan the most extravagant trips to Boston, but have yet to venture on one of them.

I was not credited for my work on ?Back to the Future?, but I do own the patent for the flux capacitor, and have recently found a way to generate the required 1.21 gigawatts using burnt aluminum foil with hamburger grease on it found in your average grill. I time travel for fun, and no, I won?t go to next week to get you lottery numbers, I have morals. I have X-ray vision, heat vision, and ice cold breath, I honestly have the nose of a blood hound and find it to be a hindrance and not a virtue. Renowned scientists ask me to prove their theorems, models ask me for fashion advise, and Roger Ebert has asked for my movie reviews.

I wish all of you a Good Day!!

DVINNY

 
I can use a drop of my blood, put it in a sling shot, and fire it at Chuck Norris, thus resulting in a massive discombobulation of his entire existance.

No, I am not Chuck Norris.

(this thread is for entertainment purposes only, I really haven't counted to infinity once, let alone twice. But the rest is pretty much true)

 
Yeah, they're the best AAA team in the state, I wonder who their major league parent team is?  :dunno:
I haven't figured that out yet either.

smartass. :die:

(congrats on the 1,000, by the way)

 
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hasselhoff.jpg


You rang?

 
so you take the Chuck Norris Jokes, substitute "DVINNY" for "Chuck Norris", and replace "Roundhouse Kick" with "Administrative Privledges"

any questions?

 
ok. I will challenge the mighty. :BK:

DV, that is some creative writing there.

Have you hit the CERM lately?

do we need to open a can of :fool: on you?

just checking :borg

 
No actually, it wasn't chuck norris jokes. But the first half was 'supposedly' written by a guy on a job application. It is an old internet urban legend. The second half of the story I did write about myself, keeping in context with the original.

You should make one up about yourself and use it, next time your asked in a job application to jot down something about yourself.

 
Just do a GOOGLE on "I am a dynamic figure" and see what all comes up.

You'll see what I'm talking about. Funny stuff.

One place has: This is a copy of an essay that was written by Hugh Gallagher. The urban myth is that is that it was submitted by him for consideration in admission to NYU. The truth is, that this essay earned Mr. Gallagher first place in Scholastic Inc.'s high school writing contest in 1990.

For that matter, do the YAHOO search, it brings up alot more.

 
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