running partners

[frazil]

So I've been at my current job about 6 years and during that time I've had several running partners - people I run with at lunch time. Over the years all of them have moved on to different jobs or just moved. All of them have been young women, like me, in about the same position.

Last week I got an email from a (male) supervisor who recently started working here, asking if there is a group who runs regularly. I said no, there's a few people who run solo, but if he's looking for someone to run with I'm headed out in a few minutes and he's welcome to join me.

Then I had second thoughts...

He's not my supervisor, but in the same position. On Monday we ran together, and he's a pretty decent guy. We run at about the same pace. It's easy to say, "who cares?!", but I do not want to give people any reason to talk, you know? Is it a bad idea to run with someone in a supervisor position who happens to be a guy?? For the record, I told my husband, and he didn't think it was any big deal. Am I making a big deal out of nothing??

 

[Guest]

I think it depends on your organization. At my agency, health-wise approaches to getting into shape are ENCOURAGED and are co-ed for the most part. I haven't seen any rumors flying about with people who go to the Y together or do other things like that regardless of male - female or subordinate - supervisor roles.

FWIW - I think it is GOOD to have a running partner to help keep you motivated. Once I pick up my pace, I will be joining a number of my managers for their lunch-time run.

:2cents:

JR

 

[EM_PS]

He's not my supervisor, but in the same position. On Monday we ran together, and he's a pretty decent guy. We run at about the same pace. It's easy to say, "who cares?!", but I do not want to give people any reason to talk, you know? Is it a bad idea to run with someone in a supervisor position who happens to be a guy?? For the record, I told my husband, and he didn't think it was any big deal. Am I making a big deal out of nothing??

I'm somewhat confused. . . .are you peers at work (both supervisors)? I hate to say it in this day & age, people WILL talk, if you guys are not peers. Otherwise, if you're pretty much same level, i actually don't see a prob with it, and doubt there would be overly much notice of 2 peers running togehter.

congrats on running, doing it at work, and staying motivated by running with others! I'm so use to running solo, it would feel weird having others around (except on race days)

 

[Katiebug]

At least in my organization, a lower-level employee even appearing to be too chummy/friendly with a supervisor/manager (even not their supervisor) is going to lead to unpleasant rumors if they are opposite-sex. I am friendly with supervisors but not friends with them. I would not feel comfortable socializing in a non-work setting with any of the managers.

A friend of mine (female, in her late 20s) became friendly over the years with a manager (male, about a decade older) and his family; she even babysits for their kids and is friends with his wife. But they scaled back substantially on what people at work heard of their personal friendship because of the office rumor mill. Apparently it was going around that they were having an affair! Totally untrue, but that's what the busybodies assumed! Even those who knew there was nothing like that going on, assumed that she got preferential treatment due to their friendship outside of the office.

This is also an organization that in the past has had "incidents" stemming from management and non-management employees dating, so I think a lot of the older (male) employees assume that there should not be any non-work related relationship between employees of different levels.

I'd mix up your running partners or stagger when you leave. No problem with running with this guy now and then, but I certainly wouldn't do it every day.

 

[frazil]

hmmm, ^ that's what I'm worried about. We're not peers, though he's not my direct supervisor. I think it's weird that he would initiate it, knowing how people talk. I don't know how to address it now.

 

[DVINNY]

Fraz,

he has 'intentions'. Stay away.

You all would pass out if I told you the stories of what goes on in my office. Boss's leaving wives for secretaries, hiring Son-in-law's to be supervisor's, nepotism at its finest.

I could expand but won't. I've said too much already, but this is the 'secret room'.

 

[bigray76]

^^^Nepotism.... the only thing we promote more than family values are family members!

That pretty much sums up where I work.

 

[Road Guy]

I used to run with a female coworker at my previous job, we were the same "pay grade" I guess you would call it.

She was a 9.5 (out of 10) in my book, so I let people think whatever they wanted to

 

[IlPadrino]

Here's my take, but remember my perspective is the military and not "corporate America"...

<rant>What's wrong with this world is that people still "see" physical differences... black, female, islamic, etc., etc. And as soon as they "see" these differences they start running through their mind how such difference MUST drive behavior. BULLSHIT!" I could go on about minority quotas, but I won't lose focus!</rant>

I'd ask, "Who cares what people talk about at the water cooler?" If they want to know more, just invite them for a run. Assuming you're something like a 6-9 minute mile pace, you should have no trouble running them into the ground!

In the military we avoid "even the appearance of impropriety", so if I were in your shoes, I'd start a running club, post fliers, and get more people involved.

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

Fraz - I say screw it. If he's a nice guy and runs about the same pace, why not run with him? I doubt many people will even think anything of it, only the real busy bodies.

Plus you have a perfectly legit reason for coming back to the office hot and sweaty - you were running!

 

[TouchDown]

hmmm, ^ that's what I'm worried about. We're not peers, though he's not my direct supervisor. I think it's weird that he would initiate it, knowing how people talk. I don't know how to address it now.

I wouldn't just stop running or even running with him... invite / beg / plead for others to run. Put up a poster offering more people run, setting up meeting time / place, making it open to anyone who might want to join you. Make it something you can "organize" that could benefit all your co-workers. Tell the guy running with you that him joining you made you think that this kind of "group" activity could be something everyone could enjoy.

You may even pair up people so that certain groups run certain paces and don't "slow" other's down. Maybe some will be walking instead of running. It could be an event.

Then if no one shows up, it's their fault, not yours. AND, if he knows a lot of other people are going to be around, then if his intentions aren't on the up and up, I have a feeling he wouldn't run as often.

Just an option. Use it for something you can put on your resume for setting up and organizing a healthly lunchtime run club for your organization which shows you can go "above and beyond" and you care for those you work with...

 

[csb]

How frustrating is this?! All you're doing is running, but we've constantly got to be concerned what other people think. I hate office politics and bs. I say that if you're okay with it and your husband is okay with it and you like running with him, do it.

 

[EM_PS]

My wife deals w/ this ALOT in her career. The slightest bit of friendship tones and everyone assumes she's sleeping her way to new opportunities. Not the slightest bit of truth w/ that, but its a cross she's gotta bear simply cuz she's a woman. So now never more than a token few drinks at functions; always recreate (e.g. golf, run) w/ a bunch of co-workers [not just one] - - add in the fact that the majority of her co-workers are male (much like in engineering), and we all can see the sexist dilemma here. The sad thing is that a majority of the assumptions / gossip will originate from the lowest percentage of coworkers there; other women!

I'm sorrry, but you can't be idealistic & naive enuff to think - Just Do it! its a nice sentiment, but ultimately i think the gossip mill / rumor machine is a trial best not tempted, esp if you're pursuing higher ceilings in your work.

 

[TXengrChickPE]

I wouldn't just stop running or even running with him... invite / beg / plead for others to run. Put up a poster offering more people run, setting up meeting time / place, making it open to anyone who might want to join you. Make it something you can "organize" that could benefit all your co-workers. Tell the guy running with you that him joining you made you think that this kind of "group" activity could be something everyone could enjoy.
You may even pair up people so that certain groups run certain paces and don't "slow" other's down. Maybe some will be walking instead of running. It could be an event.

Then if no one shows up, it's their fault, not yours. AND, if he knows a lot of other people are going to be around, then if his intentions aren't on the up and up, I have a feeling he wouldn't run as often.

Just an option. Use it for something you can put on your resume for setting up and organizing a healthly lunchtime run club for your organization which shows you can go "above and beyond" and you care for those you work with...

I agree... get others to join in.

 

[frazil]

Thanks for the advice. I think getting other people to come too is a good idea. Alternatively I could fake an injury and just stop running at work to avoid the whole thing.

 

[csb]

I also find that if you're an ugly woman people don't gossip about you...so could you get some kind of horrible facial deformity?

 

[maryannette]

Hey, fraz. I think the situation has the potential for disaster. You don't even have to be chummy to get accused of crap. I've been tagged a couple times with rumors. The decent people who know you will know better, but it can still be a multi-dimensional nightmare. One of the most decent guys I ever worked with made sure to stay at a party that the boss hosted at his house. I helped plan it, so I felt like I couldn't leave til the end. "Jim" and his wife stayed until I was ready to leave so I wouldn't be the only employee left at the boss's house. It might be fine to be running partners, but I promise you that anybody looking to make your life miserable could twist it into a lie.

 

[Road Guy]

I wouldn’t worry about it Frazil personally, while I offer that 99% of men, including myself, will always have “something else” in the back of our minds, your not in the military, where a Male Captain running with a female Sergeant wouldn’t be prudent.

Runners are a close nit group and I have run with several women at different jobs, sadly none of them ever ended up with a basement closet shagging afterward, we were just running. Having someone to run with makes both people less likely to skip a lunch run and go eat 2500 calories. I don’t see it any different than if someone “higher up” at work finds a common interest with a subordinate, such as sports, same college fraternity, kids have activities together, etc, etc, etc,

 

[maryannette]

It's not the men who normally create the problem. The problem is the women who are jealous of your looks or position or income or whatever and want to screw that up for you. Or it's the wife/girlfriend of the guy who really doesn't have anything to worry about, but is so insecure about the relationship that any potential threat has to be dealt with.

Most professional women can work with men and not cause any problems that might screw their career up. And most men don't want to screw their career up. It's the ones who are envious who can be evil.

 

[maryannette]

I don’t see it any different than if someone “higher up” at work finds a common interest with a subordinate, such as sports, same college fraternity, kids have activities together, etc, etc, etc,

It IS different. Think of it like this. Most men would have no problem having a running buddy who was at a level higher. But, what if that running buddy was gay. And what if somebody wanted to make problems for you and started making comments about your running buddy "relationship". You know, you leave for 45 minutes and come back all hot and sweaty. Then, what if you get chosen for a position on a team that your running buddy is leading? What would that do to the rumor mill?

Sorry guys, I've been on the wrong end of this one. I have strong opinions.