Great quotes/advice from family members

[Capt Worley PE]

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should - Dad

OK, I've given you my thoughts on the subject. Now go do what you were going to do anyway - Dad

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride - Grandmother

Wish in one hand, spit in the other; see which one fills the fastest. - Mom

I'm more aware of what's going on around me, and less tolerant of it - Uncle, on quitting drinking

 

[RIP - VTEnviro]

Any birthday you are looking down at the ground is a good one. - My uncle

If you just met a girl at a party, and she wants to sleep with you, odds are she already has with the other guys there. - Paraphrasing something my Mom told me in high school

You can tell a lot about a person by how they hug you. - My Dad

 

[blybrook PE]

Guarantee fast service, no matter how long it takes - Step-dad on vehicle repairs (I think he saw the bumper sticker at the shop)

Enjoy life, you only get to live it once - ma

 

[Flyer_PE]

The only job security you have is determined by what you can do for your next employer. - Dad

 

[Master slacker]

Never start a fight, but if someone starts one with you, make sure you are the one who finishes it. - Mom

Never punch with your fingers folded over your thumb. You'll break it. - Mom

 

[Capt Worley PE]

Looks like her a$$ is on ball bearings - Dad

Do something, even if it's wrong - Dad

If you don't stop crying, I'm gonna give you something to cry about - Mom

 

[Flyer_PE]

Better to be a live chicken than a dead rooster - Dad (I've used this one a lot when looking at a weather map and making the go/no-go decision)

 

[FusionWhite]

You have two ears and one mouth; always use them in proportion. - Dad

 

[Wolverine]

"If you're thinking about getting married to that girl, but you have reservations about it, all I can say is you better know why." - Dad

"Nothing good happens after midnight." - Mom

 

[Dleg]

"Son, if you keep doing that, you're going to go blind!" - Dad

"Can I just do it until I need glasses?" - me

 

[IlPadrino]

"Az tzvei zuggen shiker, leigst zich der driter shloffen" - My mother

translated from Yiddish: "If two say you're drunk, go to bed!"

"People in hell want ice water" - My mother, in response to whenever I said "I want..."

 

[Charlrgs]

Don't swallow the watermelon seeds, they will grow in your stomach - Mom

 

[Ble_PE]

You go to hell for lying the same as you do for stealing. - dad

 

[ALBin517]

"Son, if you keep doing that, you're going to go blind!" - Dad
"Can I just do it until I need glasses?" - me

"Son, if you keep doing that, you're going to go blind!" - Dad

"Dad, I'm over here." - me

 

[Dleg]

LOL!

 

[Dleg]

"Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?"

 

[PE-ness]

"Son, if you keep doing that, you're going to go blind!" - Dad
"Can I just do it until I need glasses?" - me

"Son, if you keep doing that, you're going to go blind!" - Dad

"Dad, I'm over here." - me

"Son! Stop that! You need to save all of that for when you get married!" - Dad

"Dad, I've saved up a whole barrel. What do I do with it now?" - me, on my wedding day, 10 years later.

 

[Master slacker]

"Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?"

I SO feel Clark W. Griswold's pain right now.

 

[Capt Worley PE]

"Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?"

I SO feel Clark W. Griswold's pain right now.

Jelly of the month, eh?

 

[Master slacker]

More like Dr. Jellyfinger.

Figureatively, of course.