Bad advice to previous poster

[Supe]

Laxatives and epicac should keep the muscle tone and the fat off.

I'm tired of Pandora ads but don't want to pay. What to do?

 

[knight1fox3]

Send them the crypto-locker virus. Demand the ads be taken down for the code to break the encryption.

Back at it with grad school again. How should I tackle the first homework assignment?

 

[Wolverine]

Hire a hungry foreign student undergrad to be your assistant and have him do the work for you. Pay him less than minimum wage and threaten to have him deported if he crosses you. Let him live in the back of your car in the alley behind the building.

I need to rebuild my bicycle with some fancy new bicycle parts I have, but I have less than 24 hours before tomorrows ride. How can I be road ready by then?

 

[P-E]

The obvious answer would have been to steal a bike, but after much deliberation, I think borrowing a moped would be a lot easier than pedaling the whole way.

My son likes lobster. It's so expensive. How do I discourage this?

 

[Dleg]

Don't. Just buy some crawdads and spray paint the shells red before you cook them. He'll never know.

My right ear has been sort of clogged and has heavy roaring/ ringing. I've tried ear wax treatments, but they didn't do anything, so I think I might have an infection. But I don't want to go to the doctor, so what do you advise for some sort of home remedy?

 

[Ken PE 3.1]

Find a Khan's House of Ear Wigs store.

Bored on a road trip, any thoughts?

 

[Dexman PE PMP]

Flip off the next state trooper and see if you can out-run him to the border.

I drove the Camaro to work today, but it's been snowing all day. How should I get home tonight?

 

[csb]

How should I avoid telling my bosses to GFThemselves?

 

[Dleg]

An office fire is always a good distraction.

How do I get disgruntled con-men to stop contacting politicians to claim that my project is discriminating against their firm because it requires posting a bid bond and passing a pre-qualification review?

 

[csb]

Shhh...just take the money

How do I get ahead at work?

 

[NJmike PE]

how do I convince my wife to have a 3some?

 

[csb]

Easy. Here's her threesome:

Should I run another marathon?

 

[NJmike PE]

:facepalm:

How could you possibly gotten all three of those correct?

that said,

Yes, but be sure to use plenty of lube. That **** will chafe if you don't.

How do I get out of working for the remainder of the day?

 

[envirotex]

Have Ferris Bueller call your boss.

Should I invest in new ski boots and skis, if I only ski once or twice a year?

 

[csb]

Do you look like this when you ski?

No? Proceed with purchase. You should always have awesome ski boots, no matter what. You're an engineer and you need your feet for higher math.

Should I tell a program manager that his numbers were wrong or let him roll with his pompous attitude and wrong numbers? (Not my program manager)

 

[Dleg]

Tactfully point out the error and convince him to let you onto his computer to correct it. When you're done, right click on the desktop, enter graphics properties, and put his monitor in landscape mode. If he can't get his numbers right, he probably can't fix the monitor.

I'm facing a long night of a party with my wife's relatives. On the positive side, it will be on a party boat. On the negative side, no one will be speaking English, and I know I will end up sitting alone on the side with no one to talk to. What can I do to have a better time?

 

[P-E]

Learn the words for run and fire. As soon as you are half way out on the water put on the life preserver and start screaming. That should get the party moving.

Need cigars for today's camping trip. What do you recommend.

 

[Dexman PE PMP]

The driest ones you can find.

I need to change my work computer password but can't figure out one I can remember that meets the criteria. Suggestions (8 characters and needs at least one of the following: upper case, lower case, numbers and symbol)?

 

[Dleg]

2Girls1cup!

I seem to be having some trapped gas in my digestive system somewhere. It's just not moving. Any suggestions to relieve the pressure?

 

[matt267 PE]

You need to release pressure? Talk to Bill and Tom.

We're getting a blizzard on Tuesday. Should I go to work or stay home?