How much for an engagement ring?

Continuing my engagement/wedding poll theme, how much do you think is appropriate these days for an engagement ring?

I'm a cheapskate and spent $900 on a ring in 2003. But my income and expenses have improved since then, so now I would consider something in the $3000 range to be reasonable. But I hear numbers like $10000 and up from others. Am I completely out of touch?

~$300 for engagement ring/wedding band together. We used that money as part of a house down payment instead that same year.

It was practically the cheapest set the jeweler had in the store. I made the mistake of going there after work in my work clothes (shirt and tie) to look at them with her. The jeweler saw how I was dressed after we told her which one we were looking at. She gave me the spiel about 3 months salary and that a person of my means could afford a much nicer set especially with their generous credit offers. I told her a person of my means can easily find another jeweler if she brings up my salary again.

Maybe we'll get a decent set for a later anniversary, but there is no way I was going to spend that much on a ring while we are building our financial situation. 1. A house will appreciate. A ring won't do anything but get dull. 2. If there is a divorce, a house is community property and split 50/50 (or so), a ring would probably be split 0/100.

mudpuppy said:

I'm a cheapskate and spent $900 on a ring in 2003. But my income and expenses have improved since then, so now I would consider something in the $3000 range to be reasonable. But I hear numbers like $10000 and up from others. Am I completely out of touch?

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I would give you a hard time about being a big spender.

I proposed to the wife while I was in grad school. Needless to say, my fixed income limited the selection. There is nothing like the feeling when your future wife is trying on the ring she really wants and the sales person tells you that you've been declined for ANY financing. :smileyballs:

We have been married for 3 1/2 years and she still loves her little 1/4 carat princess cut solitaire that I got her from Zales for $275. I graded a lot of homework for that ring.

Maybe for the 5th anniversary I will get her the ring I really wanted to get her to begin with.

I spent about $1400, but I had been living alone and out of college for over 3 years so it wasn't that big of a deal.

I bought from a place up in New York over the phone with the agreement(that I got in writing) that if the ring(mostly the diamond) did not meet the specs that they said, I could return for full refund. I had it appraised by a third party and it appraised for almost $5000 and the color, cut, & clarity were actually better than they promised.

This is risky but it paid off. I paid about 25% of the rings worth. They were a very large company that dealt in bulk. I don't know why they sold just one to me but it was nice. If you try this though I would seriously recommend that you do your homework ALOT before purchasing.

your poll is "how much is appropriate?" when it should probably read "how much did you?" or "What is customary?". My answer is that it depends on an individuals personal circumstances.

Being a car guy, I'd say the question is akin to "How much is appropriate to spend on a car?" Some people (regardless of their personal financial situation) would NEVER consider buying a high end luxury or sports car, because to them it's frivolous, unnecessary, and irresponsible. Jewelry (regardless of the occasion) is similarly viewed as frivolous. An engagement/wedding ring does not need monetary value to be meaningful. As long as both parties agree a simple gold band suffices. Some people (sorry girls but it is usually the female) use the ring as a tangible example of how much love is in the relationship. the old "see he really loves me because I have a 3 carat diamond" or the old "**** I'm pretty successful, look my betrothed has a 3 carat rock".

That being said I've heard anywhere from 1-3 months salary guideline used as an example. It was probably started by the jewelers. Personally, I went through a jeweler friend who operated a small store. I bought the stone separate and picked a setting out of a catalog he had. Total many moons ago was about 1-1/2 months gross salary. Like sehad it was appraised by a third party jeweler for 3x what I paid.

My philosophy with jewelry is if an independent jeweler looks at something and appraises it for more than you paid, you did good.

my :2cents:

MA_PE said:

your poll is "how much is appropriate?" when it should probably read "how much did you?" or "What is customary?". My answer is that it depends on an individuals personal circumstances.

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I agree. I checked several boxes, but I absolutely believe that anybody who has to earn a living shoud never pay more than $5000 for a ring. I think a lot less is appropriate. And, I admire the "cheapskate" approach.

Many of you know that I have a daughter who is almost 23 and has a very serious boyfriend. They have informally talked of marriage. She has a degree, but not a job with benefits yet. His hours have recently been cut. They are very conservative as a couple. My MIL recently made an offer to give her engagement ring for them to use if they chose. Her husband died 10 years ago and my daughter absolutely adored him. He was a good grandfather. The ring is not what my daughter would pick ideally, but will have sentimental value that cannot be bought. I took it to her boyfriend (sticky situation) and told him that it was for her if he wanted to use it. He indicated that he will when the time is right. Don't know the final outcome, but I'm pleased that he is willing to "recycle" jewelry and save the money.

mary:) said:

Many of you know that I have a daughter who is almost 23 and has a very serious boyfriend. They have informally talked of marriage. She has a degree, but not a job with benefits yet. His hours have recently been cut. They are very conservative as a couple. My MIL recently made an offer to give her engagement ring for them to use if they chose. Her husband died 10 years ago and my daughter absolutely adored him. He was a good grandfather. The ring is not what my daughter would pick ideally, but will have sentimental value that cannot be bought. I took it to her boyfriend (sticky situation) and told him that it was for her if he wanted to use it. He indicated that he will when the time is right. Don't know the final outcome, but I'm pleased that he is willing to "recycle" jewelry and save the money.

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Im sure that was an awkward conversation, but I think that's a great idea! We have so little that ties us back to our earlier family generations these days. Everything is new and disposable. I do want to get a nice watch in my life just so I can pass it down when the time is right. Actually, maybe I should look into it now so my son could get it for college/marriage.

It was a VERY difficult conversation. I thought a lot about it before I talked to him. I had to make sure that he knew I was NOT pressuring him and the nobody's feelings would be hurt if he decided to buy a new ring. It helped that he knows how my my daughter loved her granddaddy. I still have the ring, but I know he's excited about it because he has hinted to my daughter that he has a very good surprise when the time is right. It will be cool and I'm sure there will be squealing and tears of joy when the time is right.

Don't want to high-jack the thread, but I agree that we should use old things more and not expect everything to be new.

MA_PE said:

your poll is "how much is appropriate?" when it should probably read "how much did you?" or "What is customary?". My answer is that it depends on an individuals personal circumstances.

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Actually, I deliberately chose the word "appropriate," because I want to get at the thoughts and biases underlying the topic. Certainly what is appropriate for GT_ME with his enormous salary is different than most of the rest of us. I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong, just curious to see what others' take is on the subject.

But apparently I am out of touch on what is "customary" as well. . . I had thought it was 3 - 6 weeks salary, but now it's 1 - 3 months?

I think I spent a little bit more than $5k on my wife's engagement ring. We recently redid our insurance and it appraised for around $9k.

I guess I'm a little different on this one. I don't spend a lot of money on myself but I see a lot of guys that have nice cars and TVs then buy their future wives specs for an engagement ring. My old pastor says that for a lot of people, their money is where their heart is. I know my wife would have been happy with a spec but I wanted to buy her something that would be above and beyond. I was in graduate school when I proposed and I didn't have a lot of money but I was making $20k a year with minimal living expenses so I guess I went the 3 month salary route.

On the other hand, my in-laws bought both of my BILs rings for their wives. They're huge and dwarf my wife's but I think it carries very little meaning when someone's parents buy your engagement ring?

I think it really depends on the situation and the girl. Not sure how much the the price of gold/platinum have increased the price of engagement rings, but I'm not that into huge stones. My engagement ring is half carat in a platinum setting bc I am sensitive to gold and it is too soft of a metal. If one spends more than 1-2K it is probably a really big rock or from some big designer. Once you get past half carat they begin to look fake, but that is just my opinion.

I was 23 when I proposed, and I paid $2,000 for a 1K solitaire on a simple little gold band.

Since then, I took the stone out, and had it set in a white gold setting with many other smaller diamonds around it, for an extra $1,400. That was 4 years ago, and was pretty much to make up for my buying the Camaro.

To spend 2 months salary on a ring is asinine, in my opinion.

(I'm also guessing the 2 above that selected $5,000 to $10,000 are both female )

and further.........

I had this discussion with a young engineer in the office recently. I told him the only time anyone gives two shits about that ring is for the first couple of months when she's telling everyone "I'm engaged" and they say "let me see"

After that, not one person could care less. Sorry to be so truthful about the scam.

I was talking to a friend of mine who's been married for 45 years about this, he told me not to worry if the engagement ring is inexpensive since it can be 'made up' later when I'm some hot **** PE. He's bought his wife too much jewelery to inventory over the years and the wife keeps her engagement ring in a box somewhere. What I'd like to buy costs more than I paid for my car and has no useful function at all.

That news is comforting.

the way i did it the 1st time, i bought a nice <$500 ring for the proposal - then, after the marriage, i spent the bigger $$ (I forget how much) to have a 'wrap' or holder added around the engagement ring. This way, you should be able to keep whole thing at a reasonable price, and it makes for a rather significant wedding ring when its done, having all started with that simple engagement ring at proposal.

Soo, post-starter marriage , my mom so liked my new fiance that she gave me her mom's wedding ring (the proverbial family stone) to give to my fiance. It pretty well floored my wife (fiance at time). And after the wedding / honeymoon, we did same thing w/ the ring, having a wrap w/ additional stones added around the antique ring - so now the family stone is bigger & grander! Heirlooms rock, but it takes the "right" fiance to bring them out of hiding. Otherwise, start small, finish on a grander scale using initial base. The big $$ should be spent after the wedding - not before it on the engagement ring :2cents:

My grandmother left me a stone when she died because she smuggled a bunch of diamonds back from Brussels in her bra when she was in her 20s or 30s. It's a fairly big diamond, so all I need to do is provide the setting when the time is right. Now I just have to find a worthy finger to put one on.

wilheldp_PE said:

My grandmother left me a stone when she died because she smuggled a bunch of diamonds back from Brussels in her bra when she was in her 20s or 30s. It's a fairly big diamond, so all I need to do is provide the setting when the time is right. Now I just have to find a worthy finger to put one on.

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That's going to be a ring with a story nobody can match, for sure.

I spent ~$3000 on a ring in June of '06. I was waiting for PE results at that point, to give you an idea of where I was on the career ladder. My attitude on cost was: "How much is reasonable to spend where its ok if it's a short term hit, but not so expensive that I'm screwed if a rainy day comes along."

I got a 0.73 carat round brilliant cut, set in a trellis setting. It looks nice on her, and the setting is not so gaudy where it gets in the way of things (taking gloves on and off, etc.) when she does lab work.

She is low key when it comes to jewelry and a down to earth person. I don't think she would been happy if I blew all my money on some brick she didn't like in the first place. She said I did a good job of matching it to her tastes and personality.

I never would have felt comfortable giving her grandmother's ring or anything like that. It would have felt too much like a hand me down to me. For those that went that route, was it mainly a cost issue or were you approached by a family member who said something like, "I'm sure grandma would have wanted you to have this..." or something to that effect?

I also don't think I would like to 'add-on' features as time goes on. It just somehow wouldn't have the same meaning to me because it's not really the same ring anymore. Then again if I was going to spend a whole bunch of money on her just for fun, jewelry wouldn't be the thing that would light up her eyes anyway.

My grandmother left me a stone when she died because she smuggled a bunch of diamonds back from Brussels in her bra when she was in her 20s or 30s. It's a fairly big diamond, so all I need to do is provide the setting when the time is right.

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I'd say the bra made an excellent setting at one point. That's awesome, your granny was an international jewel smuggler!