Engineering Jokes

Operating on Engineers

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."

The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their tails are interchangeable."

The fifth surgeon says "I like engineers . They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."

:doctor:

dude threads have to earn a spot in the Hall of fame.

Knowing where to put it

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines.

They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is." The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.

The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.

They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:

"One chalk mark $1. Knowing where to put it $49,999"

lusone:

How'd this get in the HoF?

moved it.

The Top 10 Things Engineering School Didn't Teach

10. You have to earn your spot in the EB's Hall of Fame :holyness:

9. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it doesn't work.

8. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.

7. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.

6. Always try to fix the hardware with the software.

5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.

4. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?

3. Engineers rule the world until the next revision.

2. If you like junk food, caffeine, and all-nighters, then you should go into architecture.

1. There are about 10 types of capacitors.

Timewalker said:

The Top 10 Things Engineering School Didn't Teach
10. You have to earn your spot in the EB's Hall of Fame :holyness:

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LOL :appl:

frazil said:

moved it.

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Thanks Frazil and Captain Worley PE for your guidance and patience...

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing ...

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.

The lawyer said, “I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.”

“That's quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.”

The lawyer looked somewhat confused. “How do you start a flood?”" he asked.

10. You have to earn your spot in the EB's Hall of Fame

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Not HOF stuff...yet.

I suggest you go enjoy some scotch ramen while scrapbooking on a treadmill.

VTEnviro said:

Not HOF stuff...yet.
I suggest you go enjoy some scotch ramen while scrapbooking on a treadmill.

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VTEnviro,

What about looking at the positive side of things, enjoying an engineering joke lightheartedly, or even better, contributing one without the need of a scotch ramen...I suggest this as a good opportunity for you not to overcompensate licentiously on your treadmill or denote failure as your avatar...but instead, stay in touch with your funny bone and let the Hall of Fame be what it may... :Locolaugh:

Timewalker said:

VTEnviro,stay in touch with your funny bone

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What are you suggesting here?

benbo said:

What are you suggesting here?

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I'm suggesting we all have a good time here benbo....thanks for coming... arty-smiley-048:

I don't know why ... but this one always makes me laugh ...

The Engineer and the Frog

An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket.

The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back, I'll do whatever you say!"

Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?"

The engineer says, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

Timewalker said:

The Top 10 Things Engineering School Didn't Teach
10. You have to earn your spot in the EB's Hall of Fame :holyness:

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That thar is awesome!!!! :appl: :bowdown: :respect:

Timewalker said:

VTEnviro,What about looking at the positive side of things, enjoying an engineering joke lightheartedly, or even better, contributing one without the need of a scotch ramen...I suggest this as a good opportunity for you not to overcompensate licentiously on your treadmill or denote failure as your avatar...but instead, stay in touch with your funny bone and let the Hall of Fame be what it may... :Locolaugh:

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Oohhh .... I can't wait until VTE returns and says ... "My eyes are still stinking of you!!!"

:rotflmao:

Timewalker said:

VTEnviro,What about looking at the positive side of things, enjoying an engineering joke lightheartedly, or even better, contributing one without the need of a scotch ramen...I suggest this as a good opportunity for you not to overcompensate licentiously on your treadmill or denote failure as your avatar...but instead, stay in touch with your funny bone and let the Hall of Fame be what it may... :Locolaugh:

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are you suggesting VTE doesn't touch his funny bone enough?

Timewalker said:

I'm suggesting we all have a good time here benbo....thanks for coming... arty-smiley-048:

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I guess we would be having a good time if we were all touching our funny bones.

I won't comment on the part about "thanks for coming"

Ok, I guess I'm missing something. What's the difference between this thread and this one:

http://engineerboards.com/index.php?showtopic=5759

Engineering specific vs general jokes? Meh.

Dexman1349, I am glad you asked the question....but, the answer to your quest has been in front of your eyes all along... :eyebrows:

"For those that understand, no explaination is necessary...For those that don't, no explaination is possible..." ld-025:

Oldie but a Goodie:



Pastor, Doctor And Engineer

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

Caddie: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?